Praying

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October 28, 2017: PRAYING by Kesha

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you've done
I can thank you for how strong I have become
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'
I'm proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
'Cause I can make it on my own
And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known
I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain, oh
When I'm finished, they won't even know your name
You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'
Oh, sometimes, I pray for you at night
Someday, maybe you'll see the light
Oh, some say, in life, you're gonna get what you give
But some things only God can forgive
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'

This song has been on my mind so much recently. Most of the time it can bring me to tears. I dated a guy many years ago after high school. I started gaining weight due to medicine I was on. He looked me in the face and said if I broke up with him I'd never find anyone to love me, because men don't like fat women. I think this comment is part of the reason I hate my body. I'm fat. Men don't like fat women... according to him. I know it's not true. Frank knew I struggled with my looks and my weight. He took me out, took some of the most gorgeous pictures of myself. Now I use those pictures often. I have taken some pictures of myself that I found just as beautiful as the ones he took. The only reason is because I am beautiful. Many days I don't feel it. Somedays I don't feel like myself and I feel depressed. I know that is my PTSD that is kicking my butt.
Right now, the depression is bothering me. I was reminded in a round about way that I'm single because I have been abused so much. I need my own man that understands that I've been abused so much. He understands that I have trust issues. He needs to be forgiving and patient. I know that I'm weak, but I'm strong in my weakness. I'm alive despite what they've done to me.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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