40's Hits Me Hard
We had 4 kids try to break into and steal stuff off one of our properties. No, they didn't succeed, but the fact of the matter is that they tried, and yes it was all caught on camera.
Some how my paycheck didn't get deposited into my bank account due to an error. It was an honest mistake and I get it. Stuff happens. I'm not mad. However, it's kinda hurting us too. So I'm stressed about that.
Ever since my surgery to remove that polyp, I got severely sick and was admitted in the hospital last month due to a 7x4mm kidney stone that got lodged in my ureter on its way to my bladder. I went to the hospital on a Wednesday evening and sent home. Was told it was only a 2-3 mm stone. It'll pass, pain meds and antibiotics, now go away! I puke on the way to get said meds and next day I call urology and I'm extremely nauseous and severe pain. I found out it was more like a 5 mm stone. Urology told me to go straight back to er and tell them I was sent there. They drugged me out on morphine and was telling my husband something like you were here yesterday, so we are sending you back home. My husband is the best. He had to advocate for me (cause I'm drugged out of my gourd) and said "no, urology said to come here and you've done nothing for her." So they admitted me that Thursday night. Next morning my urologist came in to see me and asked, we can blast or put a stint in. I didn't want to have to get re-admitted to another hospital just to blast so I opted for the stint. Stint was placed at around 11:45am to help get all the infection out of my system. I was running a fever of 101 something before surgery. After surgery he told my husband that there was so much puss and infection in there that if we had blasted the stone I would probably have went septic and gotten very sick. About a week and a half later and severely strong meds I get the stint and stone removed. I found out a few days ago that stone was 7x4mm and there was a smaller fragment as well, that broke off. 2-3 mm my foot.... yeah right.
My husband is getting a consultation with a surgeon about possibly getting a double hip replacement. He hurts so bad and I wished I could relieve him of his pain. I do not know what to do except support him with the hip replacement surgery. I think he would benefit from it so much.
My anxiety is through the roof to say the least right now. I'm stressed beyond belief, and my right eye is twitching so badly. I came here to write to help get my thoughts out of my head and to help me sleep tonight. Doubt it will help at the moment. I'm trying to unwind, but, it’s not helping me. I really need to see my therapist tomorrow but she is so booked up. Since writing tends to help me some, I thought I would come here. Unload it all. Five years of marriage and yet my image of what it should be like is nothing close to what we are experiencing. I do not believe it is anyone's fault. It is just the cards we have been dealt. A test of faithfulness to our creator. I have to continue to pray every day, have faith, and believe that we will one day get to our goal, which is living on the farm in our new house. Things have to get better and when you are at rock bottom the only way to go is up! We will fight to get what is rightfully ours. We will get it. I'm not sure who coined the saying, but "Do hard things" comes to mind. We will succeed.
This is my voice. This is my blog.
Do hard things. Hear Me Roar!
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