Clueless

-

October 31, 2017: I was accused at my job of things I didn't do. I was accused of calling other employees a "bitch". I said that I could be one, but I never called anyone else that. Half truths were told.
Now I am being accused of doing something to PTSD the magazine's accounts.  Why would I do anything to hurt or sabotage something that I wanted to be apart of? Why is my life being destroyed? What I have I done to make everyone hate me? Why!? I can't scream loud enough! I'm in so much mental pain. I can't make it stop. The flashbacks of the rest of my life are flooding in like someone opened the flood gates. The physical abuse I've endured, I feel all of that pain. I don't have the desire to live right now, but I made a promise to someone. I just want the pain to stop! Why is everyone doing this to me? What did I do!? I'm terrified out of my mind. Now his fiancee is requesting access to my book I started writing years ago. I'm afraid she wants to steal it for herself! They refuse to take down my pictures I created! They are stealing my work! Who did I make angry? Who is trying to destroy me?

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stressed beyond belief

-
January 12th: First of all, Happy New Year. I'm stressed beyond belief. I don't know what to do. I've had a migraine headache for over a week. Went to the Dr yesterday and the shot in my butt didn't help. My brother-in-law's health I feel like it continues to decline every week or at least something new pops up every week. If it's not his health it's something else that we have to deal with. I know this is life, but I can't keep on doing this at this rate. I need help. We need help. If it's not my brother-in-law, then it's something to do with the farm. If it's not that, it's something to do with us personally.  Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile but I haven't known what to even say for a long time now. It's like my creativity spark has just disappeared from me. I need prayers, positive vibes, and positive thoughts coming our way.  I just recently lost my Great Aunt, and growing up I always knew she'd die one day too, but j...
Read more

Family is Tough Sometimes

-
To my reader's, I thought I should come here and blog about recent events.  My brother-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 non-alcoholic liver disease aka NASH. I do feel like I know nothing about this horrible disease. However, I probably know more than you , my reader, just because I am learning about it as I go. He sleeps a lot due to the ammonia levels in his system.  He's extremely jaundice, which for anyone who doesn't know, he looks yellow, including the whites of his eyes.  Today seems to be a good day. He seems very alert and less confused than other times. Some days he is not alert, and can barely function.  We've called in hospice and he is currently under their care. I never thought I'd be 38 years of age and dealing with hospice for a brother! It's overwhelming to say the least. So much to do, learn and ask. We've received some great things from them to help him around the house to be independent. He is a guy that desires to be independent so...
Read more

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

-
December 30, 2017: On December 29, at 9:30 am, I started going to counseling and I saw a Dr. I'm being diagnosed with Bi-polar II. My moods have been very unstable recently. I'm being put on different medicine than I was before. I am waiting now for the pharmacy to locate and obtain gluten free medicine for me. I started group counseling today.  It's interesting to say the least. There are people in there that I can relate with very easily.  I hope this makes me not feel alone. I know I'm not, yet I feel like I am. I have my parents, and my 2 friends. Group counseling was tough cause my anxiety reared its ugly head a bit. It wasn't severe, just enough to make me feel uncomfortable. Men and women both. I sat between women to try to feel more comfortable. I wanted to run away and hide. Once I got home it calmed down. I want to get my agoraphobia under control when it comes to unfamiliar territory. I made a decision today to do the $1 a week savings plan as my New Yea...
Read more