Distrust

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October 18, 2017: Depression is not a good thing. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, to me, it feels like a never ending tunnel. You feel abandoned by others. 
Just last week I was trying to explain to my coworkers exactly what is going on and I felt ignored. They didn't care. I tried apologizing for my behaviors because I am dealing with so much that my brain can't even handle it all. My stress level is at a breaking point. Most days I feel like people don't even believe a word I say. I was even asked if fibromyalgia is contagious. The person who asked was only concerned about themself. Didn't care about me.  No concern shown towards me. No sympathy at all. Just a "I can't afford to get sick". There has only been 3 people who actually listen to everything. I confessed to one of the people that I felt abandoned and alienated by everyone. Fine, so be it. Go away. I'd rather eat my lunch and breaks alone then be around someone who is only concerned about themself. I can do my work without you. However, it will make my job more miserable. You was always self absorbed with yourself before and still are. I try to explain what is going on with me so you can understand when I'm in a bad mood because I can't move or in excruciating pain. You don't care. Fine. I apologize for my behaviour.  I have 2 others that lie to my face and say they understand and that I'm fine and it's ok, turn around and go complain to the boss. You 2-faced liars! Leave me alone.  I'm sick of back stabbing.
Funny, this same behavior is shown towards me by men as well. Just last Thursday night, I was stood up on a date. Told him to get lost and I was blocking his number. I truly don't understand why people lie. It only hurts other people. Maybe people really are "out to get me" and to tear me down by destroying my image to others. Fine. Don't accept my apology. Not gonna help you anymore either. You've only made my life more difficult up to this point. More stressful. Now I have to worry about what lies you are going to spread about me now.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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