I'm Truly Forever Alone

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September 30, 2017: I reckon I truly am forevermore alone. Meet a fellow Christian on an online site. Everything was going great. Except he wanted me to come over that night to meet and spend the night. I had no desire to. He asked if it was too soon to save my number as "future wife"? Uhmmmm... ok. I'm flattered. He broke his hand, had surgery, couldn't drive till 2pm the next day. Next day I offer to help a Christian brother out and ask if he needed anything. I find out that the next day that he thought I had ulterior motives in trying to come over.  He accused me of moving to fast. He said  I love you before I was ready and tried to correct it by saying I like you. I'm moving to fast?! I'm the one moving to fast?  I'm moving to fast! I'm in excruciating pain still waiting on my Dr appointment on Monday.  I can't tolerate being touched right now. This is bad news to him. He's very touchy. So am I. I love touching. It won't work between us because I'm dealing with something new and haven't been to the Dr yet and you can't even be a supportive Christian brother when a Christian sister is scared of what is wrong with her. Is this how a Christian is supposed to be? Maybe it's me. I'm the broken one. I'm the one with celiac disease, agoraphobia, PTSD, Anxiety, arthritis, asthma, allergies. I'm irreparably damaged. FOREVER. My ex that wanted to help me heal after the damage he did, only caused more harm. Thanks to this guy, he did too. I will never learn to trust another human except for Frank. I will live my days alone and bitter. I was hopeful that it'd work for us, but I had doubts based on my previous fellow Christian brother experience. I try to live the Christian life I was called to live. Apparently many men in the church don't care. I'm not perfect. I sin too. I try to be good. When I try to be good though, I  apparently have ulterior motives that I'm unaware of having.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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