Focus

September 7, 2017: Happy Birthday to the world's best and only brother tomorrow! 26 years old and these years have flown.
Today however, has been different. I almost snapped on some customers at the mall yesterday. They seriously asked me for my equipment to clean their personal items. I'm not allowed to let anyone touch my cart or anything on my cart. Stores are not allowed to use my equipment, or customers for that matter. No, no and no! They asked well what am I supposed to clean it with? I could tell they was whiners who needed some cheese with it. I said you go to the bathroom and clean it first of all. Second of all I barely have enough equipment to clean your mess. Third of all these stores are not allowed to use my stuff let alone you. Next thing I know they stood there sputtering, but but uh but but.... well it's gonna leak all the way to the bathrooms. I said "That is my problem. Not yours.  I have to call for backup to clean this mess alone," all because they laid a Styrofoam cup and straw in a bag in their walker and shoved the seat on the straw. Also I had been watching here walker and after the cup was removed... it stopped leaking, not to mention it probably already leaked all the contents on the floor. Needless to say I wasn't in a good mood.
Matters was not made better by my depo shot being given the day before and I was bleeding and severely cramped a little more than usual to the point that I threw up at home last night. I woke up today in pain all over my legs in the muscles, and tired with only 4 hours of sleep.
So my brain was not functioning at full capacity. I was scatter brained. I had issues telling stories or even simple thoughts.  I couldn't focus on simple tasks. I was a little irritable with the girls because they refused to eat their veggies and I was at wits end on how to trick them, persuade them, telling bible stories about people doing things they didn't want to do, and even asking if mommy and daddy made them eat their veggies (which according to a 3 year old, they don't, according to mom and dad they do). I'm afraid even now that my brain is so fogged up and derailed and unable to focus properly. I'm easily side tracked. I feel like the dog from up, "SQUIRREL!" Perhaps I'm Dory" Oh hey look!" "What was I doing?" "Where am I?" I'm afraid I upset someone today unintentionally because he was repeating himself, but I  couldn't focus and was not sure of how long something would take. I  just finally gave up said I'm going to pamper myself and relax for a bit and got my nails done. I was so confused mentally feeling that I felt like a burden instead of a help. I  don't know if anyone else ever feels like that or if its a PTSD and Anxiety mental health issue that we deal with on our own. I had several other things on my mind but don't feel like telling it all.
I'm sorry if this is a bit lengthier than usual. However, right now I feel more like a burden than anything else. I feel like I should apologize to everyone. I feel like people tolerate me because they have to. I know my feelings are very wrong often times. If I am a burden, I'm sorry. If not, well sometimes I need a boost of encouragement. A kind word. It goes a long way. I promise.
Good night to all my readers.

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