Ramblings of time and health

July 31, 2017: I've officially been single for just over 7 months now. It's been 7 months since I said I would stay single all year long. It's been 5 months and a few days since mom had triple bypass surgery. It's been 3 and a half months since I started my job at the mall. It's been 13 going on 14 years since I graduated. I've dealt with cheating, abusive, lying, and useless boyfriends all these years until 2017. This is the year of LINDA. This is the year I take care of myself first. I had some very beautiful pictures of myself taken earlier this year and I plan on having more taken. I had arthritis diagnosed this year. I am looking at a better job for my health, than my current one, however keeping the current one for awhile to keep my insurance. I have so many issues now that I can't afford to loose it. I need to get back to seeing a therapist for my anxiety and ptsd. This week alone I've had 3 anxiety attacks. I woke up from a nap yesterday in complete panic from a nightmare. I dreamed that a very close friend was in the hospital and while visiting the friend a severe medical emergency happened and the person was rushed to the operating room. I woke up and immediately asked this friend if they was ok and I needed a response asap. It took me about an hour to calm down even after being reassured the friend was fine. After all that has happened first to my lovely Memaw, and now to my beautiful Mommy, I couldn't handle it happening to my friend. This morning an ex-boyfriend of mine contacted me and that alone set my anxiety off. I am constantly worried and looking over my shoulder, afraid that I will be found and harassed once again. I'm dealing with this anxiety and worry everyday. I've been falling apart over the years and this is the year I'm trying to care for me. I plan on going to get tested for sleep apnea. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like I'm slowly being unraveled inch by inch. I no longer recognize myself. I can't even bring myself to meet up with a guy that I've never met to meet and see where things go. I don't sleep well anymore. Always in pain. Dealing with my celiac disease on a daily basis. Watching every single label for wheat, rye, or barley. I have to make sure that my products that are used on my body are gluten free. Shampoo, conditioner, body soap, laundry detergent, lotions, makeup, and even my medicines I take have to be gluten free. On top of all that, I have decided to go on a diet to try to help me loose weight and have a better body weight considering my arthritis. I know it won't help me like my own looks, but it will help with my general health. I have a couple of friends that are both dieting, and hoping they can be a support to me as I can be a support to them. Day 1 of my diet, I stuck to it and didn't exceed my points. 60 lbs lost so far, another 60 to go?

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