Willing to hurt to love again?

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June 10, 2017: I think things have settled down finally.  I think everyone is stressed out to the max. I haven't had a day off in two weeks, since May 29th. I'm physically exhausted and drained. I know Stephen is too. I feel physically weak. Sitting here, I feel like I could fall asleep sitting up, or standing up even. I'll finally have 2 days off this coming week. I haven't blogged in awhile due to my exhaustion.
Someone said to me today that I have to be willing to be hurt again in order for me to love again. The thing is that I'm not willing to be hurt again. Does that mean I'm not willing to love again? Maybe I should stay single. I don't know. I know that I really want a relationship and I want to be madly in love,  but I'm not willing to allow myself to be hurt again. I have friends who are madly in love with their significant other and I have friends who are having problems. I want someone that goes to church with me and encourages me in my faith. I want someone who will talk to me if we have issues. I want someone who gives me a shoulder to cry on, someone who understands that I have PTSD and that can help me out of my slump. I want someone who doesn't beat me or cut the circulation off to my brain threatening my life.  I want someone who doesn't cheat on me. I want someone I trust, someone who helps me be a better person.  I would offer all of this in return just as I did for all those boys I dated. Yes, I'm extremely lonely, but after 13 years of dating, I'm happy (for the most part) about who I am and my looks. I'm confident about myself. I'm not saying that I don't make mistakes. Believe me,  I make lots. Am I embarrassed by them, yes most of the time.  Do I hate admitting to faults, most definitely. I want someone that I can ask for some advice on a matter not fear being ridiculed and have some outside eyes and opinions on the subject. Sometimes my loneliness depresses me and i see everyone who is married,  but I think back to all the pain I was put through and it reminds me of why I am single. This too shall pass.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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