Bad Days

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June 5, 2017: Today was not a good day. This is the reason for my blog, to share with you what living with ptsd and anxiety is like. I'm not looking for sympathy,  or advice on how to live my life, or prayers or support. Just hoping that you, as a reader will understand.
Today started like any normal day. I got ready for work and headed out with my brother.  Get to work and things started happening. Miscommunication, misunderstandings, lies, misinterpretation and everything for myself went downhill fast. Before I knew it my chest was tightening up like it was being folded in half and squeezed by a table vice. I couldn't breath. It felt like a bad horror movie were the walls were closing in on me. I was hot and sweaty. I was shaking all over. It felt like everyone was starring at me thinking "what is your problem?" I wanted to run far away crawl into the deepest darkest room, hide and cry. I just wanted to scream at everyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. I felt like no one understood what was wrong with me, yet I didn't even know why I was feeling all that. I wanted to be happy but I couldn't. I felt like I was drowning in misery like I would never be happy again. Thankfully a co-worker helped calm me back down. I was on the verge of walking out. I don't know if I would have a job right now if she hadn't.
Honestly at the moment, I don't know if I want the job. The same person that lied to me earlier today has lied to me again today. I thought I could trust the person. Obviously this person is just the same as all my ex's.  Untrustworthy, lying jerks. Starting to believe once again that men are all the same. Good thing I'm single I guess. I don't know.  Maybe men treat me like trash to get away from me.
I heard that one guy thinks I have the hots for him, and then another person came to me asking if I had the hots for another guy. I'm done with men. Guess I should stop being friendly with guys.... it causes nothing but trouble for me. 
I don't know anymore. Maybe I dont know how to be friends with men.
I give up.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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