My Daily Struggle

Where do you find words of comfort and happiness and compassion to cheer a friend or neighbor or family member who has lost a loved one? I don't think you can find them. I sometimes think they don't exist.  Sometimes I think "Sorry" is the best we can do. I reckon you can pray for peace and comfort for the person that lost a loved one. I remember the day, the minute, I found out about my grandmother and grandfather who passed away. It's a moment in time that you do not forget. Especially if you were there and witnessed it. I remember the day I came home and my cat didn't greet me at the patio. It's like the whole world stops spinning. You don't know how to move forward in life. There is a hole where they belonged. There will always be that hole. No one can replace the hole.  This is my voice. This is my blog.  HEAR ME ROAR 

Many of you who know me, know that I'm a manager in training for the company I work for. This means that if a manager steps down or a new store opens up, that I am next in line to manage that store. I'm also sorta like an assistant manager to my manager right now. I can do everything that my manager can except hire and fire people right now. Right now, it is up in the air about a store I work at whether the store stays open or not. From what I understand and have heard, it sounds like some people are curious about what I can do for the store. I'm curious about it myself, however I'm nervous about it too. It's a new adventure I would be on in a brand new year. I'm on an amazing adventure now being engaged and planning a wedding with my fiance, my family and his family. Just recently my fiance got baptized and I am so happy and proud of him for the journey he is on with me doing the will of Christ. I know that some of you may not agree with our beliefs but please ...

August 30, 2019: 3:25 AM: Can't sleep. I'm in so much pain tonight. All I can think about is sleeping.  I've tried relaxing music, heat, tylenol-arthritis strength, my usual daily medication for my fibromyalgia,  and my essential oils.  I asked my fiancee kinda teasing but kinda serious if he could come over and slide my warm fuzzy socks on and pull my blanket over top of me because I couldn't move hardly. I'm so stiff, weakened, in pain, and extremely fatigued by my fibromyalgia flare. I was feeling great and was looking forward to seeing my fiancee for a dinner date until I got a call saying I would have to work an 11.5 hour shift today. I was supposed to train a new person at work and that person was a no call no show. Then got told that I would have to work all day. This is the life of management I guess. I thought I was doing ok when I got home but the moment I got into bed I could not move anymore.  At one point I almost didn't make it to the bathroom in ...

July 11, 2019: Most of my family members are aware by now, but to my readers, I became engaged Sunday, July 7. We were at his Aunt's house and he got down on one knee and proposed to me right then and there. He gave me a beautiful sterling silver ring. I said yes, ofcourse. Tuesday afternoon I went to David's Bridal and picked out a beautiful wedding dress for my wedding day. I wish I could share what it looks like on here, but my wonderful fiance reads this blog. (Sorry babe!) Tuesday evening, my fiance and I went shopping around for inspiration for the wedding decorations. This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

May 23, 2019: Ugh.... I don't know what to think say or feel right now. I feel like I'm unworthy of a guy's love. I don't know why honestly.  Everyone deserves to be loved. I think I've been trampled on by guys so much that they have made me feel like this. Right now I'm just laying down in bed aching all over from the rain and my fibromyalgia and arthritis. For some reason my stress fracture site from last year has been bothering me and hurting me. I'm using my oils to help ease my pain some and I'm ordering a pain cream that everyone loves. We'll see if it helps me. Right now I'm talking to a guy that I have talked to before and I honestly don't remember why we stopped talking in the first place, but I am almost afraid to let him in. I want to but I don't at the same time. My job is going well I reckon. I'm now a manager in training at work.  Basically it means if they open a new store or a management position opens up that I...

April 9, 2019: I don't know where to begin. I received my pap smear results and I have to have another colposcopy done on me. I may have to have another LEEP done too. I don't know yet. I have to wait on what my dr says I need done. I'm not looking forward to having the colposcopy done. It's a more thorough investigation into what is going on with me than a pap smear test. I'm scared and nervous about it. However, yesterday I did get something exciting. I noticed that 2 tree stands was left behind at my grandfather's property and a homemade blind. I can't wait to take the stands down and put them on our property and go hunting in them this year. 6 months away! I need to go buy a salt block for the deer. Feed them a little bit before I hunt and get them used to coming to my yard. I need to get my fletches fixed on my bolts and get back out there and practice, practice, practice! I got to keep my shooting skills sharp. Got to stay better than my friend who ta...

March 22, 2019: I don't know why I bother repeating myself to some customers sometimes. Even when I repeat myself louder and clearer the second time they still ignore me. It was not due to a lack of being able to hear. It was a lack of respect and listening to me when I responded to their questions about stuff. Maybe I'm just irritable because I'm in pain or maybe it's just them. I don't know what to think or to say. If you ask a question to an employee, shut up and listen to the answer the first time.  Don't ignore the person and make them repeat it when they realize that you wasn't listening to the answer.

February 27, 2019: Its been a while since I have blogged. I've kept up with my daily Bible reading. I'm working at Dakota Watch company still but in the Oxmoor and Jefferson mall in Louisville. I still work housekeeping but plan to leave soon. I got a call the other day about Easter Bunny at Greentree mall. I don't know what position I would be doing, but I accepted. I've decided to try to loose weight again and I've lost about 10 lbs so far. I gained a lot of weight back while I was on a medication that I was taking for my bipolar. (Surprise, surprise,  not!) I need to get back to the gym but when am I going to go?  I'm almost always working! I've been keeping up with my journal that I got somewhat, just not on here like I had planned. This past week's journal said "List the things you like to do that don't involve technology". This one was tough because everything in my life is technology. Even my job to some degree. I deal with smart wa...

January 29, 2019: List the things you are good at. I struggled with this one. I said being a friend and shooting my crossbow.  I guess I struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem. Now for this week, list the things that get you out of your head. I want to say music, but unfortunately it can make things worse for me at times, if I am honest with myself. About the only thing that gets me out of my mind is talking to a friend. I'm not sure what else takes me away from my thoughts.  This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

January 8, 2019: This is the second week of the year. As promised I would post my journaling lists on here every week. This week: LIST THE ROUTINES IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE AND WORK. * Wake up * Use restroom * Get dressed * Eat breakfast ● I love good food * Brush teeth ● I like getting clean * Get my backpack, phone, and keys * Go to work or church This is just one of my routines that I listed. The journal has a "Take Action".  It's sorta like a food for thought idea. TAKE ACTION: Circle all of the routines that bring you joy, and cross out all the routines you dislike. What is it about the circled routines that bring you joy? This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

January 6, 2019: It has come to my attention a few times about the appearance of my friendship with my best friend. Yes, he is married. Yes, I spend a lot of alone time with him. For years I've always wanted to hunt but I knew it didn't really appeal to dad much and so therefore I never had a dad to take me hunting. I've asked a past bf or two to take me and teach me but they never did. Then one day my friend and I were talking and I mentioned that I had always wanted to hunt and he said he could teach me and take me. I was excited. My parents were ok with it.  His wife was ok with it. I was more than ok with it. I was excited! He was more than happy to teach and take me along. I knew I was safe with him if I got hurt since he's in the medical field. I've gotten to know his wife some in the past year and I have also gotten to know his youngest daughter who is a few years younger than myself as well. I've learned something new. I learned to hunt. I got to go hu...

January 1, 2019: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I have a resolution to read the Bible in a year. Right now I'm watching Jurassic World with my brother while waiting on the crockpot to finish cooking supper, which by the way smells amazing! I'm not feeling well right now. I've been fighting allergy drainage from my ears which is causing headaches and dizziness. As promised I would write in my journal that I received from Christmas and blog it here. I'm excited about this adventure and I have a blank slate to write my story on this year. Week 1: List what makes you happy right now. * Family * Friends * TV/Movies * Games * Foods * My Job * Music I would love to hear from my readers some of your things that make you happy right now. Feel free to share it in the comments. This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR