One Day

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November 15, 2017: I have to remind myself everyday, you are living today. You are not living in tomorrow. You are not living in yesterday. Today. Right now! This second. Not in an hour. Now! I wanted to say that I can't work tomorrow, because I hurt today. I can't do that. I have to try everyday, despite all of the mental pain and physical pain I'm in. Today, I drank a glass of Thyme tea with honey and a glass of Green tea with honey in hopes of easing my fibromyalgia and arthritis.
Just a few days ago I had a face to face run in with an old boyfriend of mine. I know he recognized me because he made eye contact with me, lingered around while I spoke to a friend. Then once I walked away, I found my very protective loving brother, told my brother that he was there, saw me and made eye contact with me. I then quickly disappeared in one of the mall corridors for employees only. My brother later told me that he had followed me down the Dillards wing looking around for me. I later reported the information to security just for my protection. Seeing him has triggered so many flashbacks and unwanted memories. Being cheated on with my at the time best friend. Having things thrown at me. Being told that he still loved me, despite me getting fat, but if I ever left him, I'd never find anyone to love me again because I was fat.
I don't need his negativity in my life. I don't care right now if I ever find love from another 'boy'. I'm not looking for a 'boy'. I'm looking for a man. I love myself. I'm the only person that matters to myself right now. I love my family. I'm madly in love with my adorable little cousins. They are giving meaning to my life. I'm in love with my dear friends Autumn and Frank. I'm in love with my church family. I have people who care about me. I don't need a man. I can be me without one. I can obey God's law with my church family and my family. Frank and Autumn will remind me as well of God's amazing love. God gave me today! I'm not guaranteed of tomorrow. I should pray daily to God for help in healing from yesterday. Pray for strength, humility, patience, wisdom, courage, ability to forgive, learn, and grow. This to shall pass. I will not be physically harmed. I'm safe. If he should decide to be completely stupid and try to harass me further, I will contact security, my boss, my brother and anyone else in ear shot of my voice, which potentially could be the entire mall as it does sort of echo in there. I have acquaintances and friends there who will come to my aid. Despite the anxiety I feel now when I walk in there, afraid that he'll try to seek me out, I must go on. I will go on. I may not feel strong doing so, but I'll look it. I may be in pain, but I won't let on.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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