My Daily Struggle

July 31, 2017: I've officially been single for just over 7 months now. It's been 7 months since I said I would stay single all year long. It's been 5 months and a few days since mom had triple bypass surgery. It's been 3 and a half months since I started my job at the mall. It's been 13 going on 14 years since I graduated. I've dealt with cheating, abusive, lying, and useless boyfriends all these years until 2017. This is the year of LINDA. This is the year I take care of myself first. I had some very beautiful pictures of myself taken earlier this year and I plan on having more taken. I had arthritis diagnosed this year. I am looking at a better job for my health, than my current one, however keeping the current one for awhile to keep my insurance. I have so many issues now that I can't afford to loose it. I need to get back to seeing a therapist for my anxiety and ptsd. This week alone I've had 3 anxiety attacks. I woke up from a nap yesterday in compl...

July 24, 2017: Whew what a day! Go to the Dr with a sprain. She thinks there could be a stress fracture.  Go to the orthopedic surgeon,  just a sprain. He orders for physical therapy. Go to setup that. Also ordered off work till next Monday. Gotta give the ankle time to rest considering that I am on my feet walking for a straight 8 hours or more. This will be a long long week! Not only that, but I'm being sent to be tested for sleep apnea. Maybe I'll be told I have it, be put on a machine, and actually feel rested and less irritable. Win win right there! I'm always so tired, yet I feel like I have insomnia half the time. Bring on the sleep! Maybe my mind and body can heal. Be less sick because my body his breathing properly at night. We shall see what happens.

July 22, 2017: I truly do not understand men these days. This is the big reason I am still single. Men want me to be a slut. Men want me to spread my legs. If I don't put out then I don't love them. If I don't "loan" them money, then I don't care about "US". I was seriously told that I should have sex and be a whore so I could find a man. I'm sorry, but if I can't stand to be around a guy because of his personality, why would I even dream of having sex with him! If a guy tells me to be whore, he obviously doesn't value me as a human. If he doesn't value me as a human, why would he ever care about me? If he doesn't care about me why would he protect me? I'm way better than another whore for your sexual desires that you can't control. I recently read an article that dressing modestly and not showing thighs, or low cut tops in public by women to prevent men from having impure thoughts  is not completely the woman's respo...

July 17,2017: First of all, it's 7-17-17. Let's all take a moment to appreciate it!  LOL! For those of my readers who happen to be darker skinned than myself, please do not take any offense to this article.  It's not aimed to you! My friends and family who know me well, know that I am not racist and that I don't have a hateful bone in my body towards any skin colors. Several times in my life I have been called racist. It's always a black person that is quick to point out racism. Anymore I feel like black people are becoming racist against white people being racist. Back when I worked at a gas station I saw a gentleman that had a bag of candy in his pocket and I could only see a centimeter or so of the very top of the bag. The top of the bag looked very similar to product that we sold in our store. I stopped the gentleman and asked him if he had already paid for that product. I didn't say anything else. At that point the gentlemen reached into his pocket, and ...

July 16, 2017: I have not been able to blog recently and I apologize to my audience. I've been stressed out from many things. I've had writer's block. Thursday morning something happened to my left ankle and I still do not know what happened. Frank thought I rolled it, broke it, or injured it somehow. Some days it looks like I was bitten, but there are no bite marks. Yet the Dr I saw thought it was my arthritis. Three possibilities for one problem. It has caused severe pain and giving me a difficult time walking at my job. I am taking a low dose of prednisone for the inflammation and wearing a brace for support. My job is seriously testing my patience right now. Drama, drama, drama! People don't want to work. Mall walkers that want to create problems. People that don't understand that I have a job to do a certain way. Customers that are rude and inconsiderate to me that walk all over me and into me. The scrubber broke down and had to be pushed back to the office f...

July 10, 2017: Right now I have so much on my mind, and it's mentally exhausting. I have so much going on at work. I have one co-worker who just lost her place to live at. My boss was trying to get somebody hired on, however part of the process you have to go through to get hired on did not fall through for this new hire. Saturday I went to Urgent Care due to a severe UTI. I was unable to pee for a few hours. Not fun! Apparently I'm just really prone to getting UTIs. I'm feeling much better now but I'm still having some pain. I've worked things out with Aladdin and he's apologized and I've been helping him at his kiosk. He's been wanting me to help him run it on some days, but there's times that I can't and I wished I could. I don't understand the actions of others. For some reason though I always desire to understand. Some days it drives me absolutely crazy not understanding others and it makes me feel like I'm alone. Oftentimes I feel l...

July 6, 2017: Consider a person's feelings before you say something. Consider the person's health before you say something. Perhaps there's a reason the person is always sick. Perhaps there's a reason the person is always moody. I've had many people tell me all my life that I'm always sick. It's not that I enjoy being sick because I don't. Nobody enjoys being sick. Nobody tries to get sick. I know I don't. I know when I'm sick and I miss work I don't make money. When I don't make money I can't pay bills, like medical bills. I have celiac disease. My body doesn't absorb nutrition and vitamins and minerals that I need in order to stay healthy. I have to take supplements just to try to make up for what I don't absorb.Hi Because I have celiac disease I also have a variety of other issues like osteoarthritis, anemia, skin issues. I've had to learn how to cook gluten free because it's not the same. I've had to research ...

June 5, 2017: When you loose all trust in human kind, you find yourself alone in this big world. You don't want to be around anyone, out of fear that they'll learn how to hurt you, and stab you in the back as hard as possible. When you have been shown over and over by boys who claim that they love you, that you mean absolutely nothing to them, you have no desire to date anymore. You've been hurt over and over. Thrown away like trash. Used for your job title, money, beauty, or just for the fact that they can say they have a gf. You simply wish to stay home, go nowhere, stay in pajamas, do nothing all day. The stress and anxiety wear you out, and you want to sleep all day. Stay in a place that is comfortable,  perhaps like your couch, chair, or bed. Cover up and stay warm where no one can hurt you again. You can't be beat, choked or have things thrown at you. You can't be raped. You won't be used again. You don't have to look over your shoulder worrying that s...

July 2, 2017: I keep thinking about the song Million Reasons by Lady Gaga. After today those words ring so true. I keep trying to do the correct things at work and my boss made me feel a little better by telling me that he has noticed my effort. However, my co-workers are the ones giving me the "million reasons to quit the show" right now. I clocked out today with every intention of quitting. I'm tired of trying to do the right thing and yet I have 3 people fighting against me doing whatever they want to. I feel like I'm fighting one person against a whole battalion in battle. I was told that I have been an emotional wreck the past couple of weeks and I can't explain why. I started crying today for no reason not knowing why. I wanted to turn it off. I  wanted to flip the emotional switch back to off, just like in The Vampire Diaries. I have my good and dear friend Frank , that I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him as a friend to talk to. I als...