Single for life?

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April 7, 2018: Greetings to all my readers around the world.
     Special shout out to my best friend Autumn on her recent engagement.
     However I can't lie, I'm not really jealous. I was jealous at first. Not so much now. I'm super happy for them. I'm glad that they have found each other. I just keep praying and searching for my man or an answer to my question; Am I supposed to remain single? Waiting for an answer or for anything is not my strong suit. While growing up I was told you graduate,  you find a man, get married, have kids, live happily ever after. THE END.
     Unfortunately I feel like there's no beginning for me. Yes, I graduated and did two years of college. My story typically goes something like meet guy, guy lies, says he'll go to church every Sunday and Wednesday night and doesn't, chokes me, cheats, throws stuff at me, hits me, lies about previous relationships or current relationships, and is just a general no count piece of scum. So now that I am 32 and a half years old all the single men have kids, been divorced and are scum. I don't know if I have something wrong with me that makes me not feel anything towards men in any shape or form or I just know what I want and don't want. I know I have something to talk to my therapist about and solve the problem in my own mind and life.
     As wedding plans progress, and I have reflections on my own life, I get excited about her happiness, yet I realize I have a hard time feeling anything towards men in regards to relationships. I'm being threatened by text and voicemail by someone who asked me out on a date. It's almost like the thought of a relationship is repulsive to me. I can't stand the thought of a relationship. I don't know what to do about my own situation.

This is my blog. This is my voice.
HEAR ME ROAR

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