Used Tissue

-

May 31, 2017: Many of my family, friends, co-workers, and even people I come in contact with do not know that I have PTSD. So many people say "That's something only war veteran's get." No, it's not. "You don't act like you have PTSD." You haven't seen me on a bad day. It's something that people who have been through a traumatic event get. Yes, I've been through several traumatic events. I'd rather not go into details. However, because of my past relationships,  I have no desire to be in a relationship. People keep saying, "It'll happen someday," "If you stop looking that's when love finds you." Sorry, I don't want it to happen. I've seen what cheating does to a family, and even to the kids. I've seen family on both sides go through a divorce now. I see the pain it puts people through. It's a burden. Then if you have kids it's hard on them. I'm the kind of person that just wants to spend my time with the guy I am with. I want to go do things with him. I constantly think about him. I want to show him my love. However, time and time again,  I'm cheated on. I'm shown that I meant nothing to every single guy. I was thrown away like a used tissue. All he could think about was himself, and his other girls he was messing with. I've tried Christian dating sites, no one responds to a message on those. I've tried free dating sites, everyone is a scum bag on those. I've asked friends if they know anyone, they can set up their close friends but can't help me out. I've been to other churches to meet other Christians, that feels like I'm going to church for the wrong reason. I'm told great marriages start off as friends. Met a guy at work, he asks for my number. I say we can be friends, and he asks for sex and I say no, and suddenly I'm the bad person cause I said I thought he was good looking. Seriously,  what is the deal guys? I know, women are just as bad, this one isn't.

This is my blog.  This is my voice. 
HEAR ME ROAR!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stressed beyond belief

-
January 12th: First of all, Happy New Year. I'm stressed beyond belief. I don't know what to do. I've had a migraine headache for over a week. Went to the Dr yesterday and the shot in my butt didn't help. My brother-in-law's health I feel like it continues to decline every week or at least something new pops up every week. If it's not his health it's something else that we have to deal with. I know this is life, but I can't keep on doing this at this rate. I need help. We need help. If it's not my brother-in-law, then it's something to do with the farm. If it's not that, it's something to do with us personally.  Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile but I haven't known what to even say for a long time now. It's like my creativity spark has just disappeared from me. I need prayers, positive vibes, and positive thoughts coming our way.  I just recently lost my Great Aunt, and growing up I always knew she'd die one day too, but j...
Read more

Family is Tough Sometimes

-
To my reader's, I thought I should come here and blog about recent events.  My brother-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 non-alcoholic liver disease aka NASH. I do feel like I know nothing about this horrible disease. However, I probably know more than you , my reader, just because I am learning about it as I go. He sleeps a lot due to the ammonia levels in his system.  He's extremely jaundice, which for anyone who doesn't know, he looks yellow, including the whites of his eyes.  Today seems to be a good day. He seems very alert and less confused than other times. Some days he is not alert, and can barely function.  We've called in hospice and he is currently under their care. I never thought I'd be 38 years of age and dealing with hospice for a brother! It's overwhelming to say the least. So much to do, learn and ask. We've received some great things from them to help him around the house to be independent. He is a guy that desires to be independent so...
Read more

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

-
December 30, 2017: On December 29, at 9:30 am, I started going to counseling and I saw a Dr. I'm being diagnosed with Bi-polar II. My moods have been very unstable recently. I'm being put on different medicine than I was before. I am waiting now for the pharmacy to locate and obtain gluten free medicine for me. I started group counseling today.  It's interesting to say the least. There are people in there that I can relate with very easily.  I hope this makes me not feel alone. I know I'm not, yet I feel like I am. I have my parents, and my 2 friends. Group counseling was tough cause my anxiety reared its ugly head a bit. It wasn't severe, just enough to make me feel uncomfortable. Men and women both. I sat between women to try to feel more comfortable. I wanted to run away and hide. Once I got home it calmed down. I want to get my agoraphobia under control when it comes to unfamiliar territory. I made a decision today to do the $1 a week savings plan as my New Yea...
Read more