My Daily Struggle

Well another year has gone by. Many things have transpired in that year.  My Brother-in-law passed in March on St. Patrick's Day last year. Anyone who ever met him knew he was a gentle giant. He loved you and would protect you. Holidays have been tough since he passed. They always are though after a loved one passes. I honestly don't know what more to say about the loss of him. My husband and I are trying to better ourselves and our marriage.  We decided that as a couple we are going to write one or more good things that happen in a week every Saturday evening. At the end of the year we'll read all of them and reflect on the year we had. I'm currently enjoying my job as a shift manager. My husband is still at his job and helping me a little bit at my job as well.  We both bowl still on leagues and off leagues. Im very proud of my husband cause he is trying to get a second associates and possibly a bachelor's degree I do believe. We are definitely staying...

To my reader's, I thought I should come here and blog about recent events.  My brother-in-law has been diagnosed with stage 4 non-alcoholic liver disease aka NASH. I do feel like I know nothing about this horrible disease. However, I probably know more than you , my reader, just because I am learning about it as I go. He sleeps a lot due to the ammonia levels in his system.  He's extremely jaundice, which for anyone who doesn't know, he looks yellow, including the whites of his eyes.  Today seems to be a good day. He seems very alert and less confused than other times. Some days he is not alert, and can barely function.  We've called in hospice and he is currently under their care. I never thought I'd be 38 years of age and dealing with hospice for a brother! It's overwhelming to say the least. So much to do, learn and ask. We've received some great things from them to help him around the house to be independent. He is a guy that desires to be independent so...

I'm lost. I'm stressed beyond belief. I don't know what to do anymore. I messed up.  I am trying to do my best to take care of my brother-in-law, but I feel like I am failing at it. He needs to go to so many dr appointments and yet I feel like I have no time to do that. We found out that he has stage 3 liver cirrhosis. We are getting more tests to make sure it's not progressing to stage 4. I'm now his Power-of-Attorney and I worry that I'll mess up somehow and not do what is best for him. My fibromyalgia is making me so tired throughout the day at work, by the time I get home, I'm not able to do dishes or any house work. I eat and then I crash in bed. I hurt from head to toe. I feel like my husband doesn't understand how severe my pain is sometimes.  My husband is dealing with court and lawyers because of FAMILY! Other family is helping us out. It amazes me that family will stab you in the back this way, but other family helps you in your time of need. T...

January 12th: First of all, Happy New Year. I'm stressed beyond belief. I don't know what to do. I've had a migraine headache for over a week. Went to the Dr yesterday and the shot in my butt didn't help. My brother-in-law's health I feel like it continues to decline every week or at least something new pops up every week. If it's not his health it's something else that we have to deal with. I know this is life, but I can't keep on doing this at this rate. I need help. We need help. If it's not my brother-in-law, then it's something to do with the farm. If it's not that, it's something to do with us personally.  Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile but I haven't known what to even say for a long time now. It's like my creativity spark has just disappeared from me. I need prayers, positive vibes, and positive thoughts coming our way.  I just recently lost my Great Aunt, and growing up I always knew she'd die one day too, but j...

I haven't written in a while and thought I would. I'm not sure where this will go but here it goes.   My husband and myself are still making attempts at getting pregnant but no success yet.  It's been a year since MA has passed away from us and it does get a little easier every day. We still miss her a great deal, and wished she was still with us. As would anyone.  I'm still traveling with work a great deal. My boss has been promoted at work and he to will be traveling more. The farm that my husband and brother in law inherit, is a hornets nest of stuff going on with it. So much stuff to do to it, and to do in order to get what we wanted of it. I'm feeling a wee bit depressed today but I'm not sure why. I guess I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my plate. Places to be, and things to do coming up in the near future. So many dr appointments and things on my calendar. Thanks to Google calendar for keeping up with it for me. I feel as if I've let myself go to ...

It's cycle day 1 again. Many of you may know what I'm talking about,  but some of you may not know what I am talking about.  INFERTILITY.  It's an ugly word that some people deal with. Unfortunately it is something that my husband and I are dealing with.  We started dating May 30, 2019, and got married on May 30, 2020. We knew from the start that we wanted children. As soon as I got off my birth control and started my periods again, we started trying to conceive. Unfortunately we were not able to conceive right away. A few months later, my husband started to hurt severely and was extremely tired all the time. He went to the Dr and they started many tests on him. One test was his testosterone levels.  Found out that they were extremely poor for someone his age. They sent him to a male fertility specialist and I went to my personal OBGYN. My OBGYN referred me to a specialist in Newburgh, IN. The two Dr's got together and between the two, th...