Cancer trials

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Well, it's now May and my husband and I are about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Technically we have been together since May 30, 2019. We have been married for a year though. 
My mother-in-law we found out has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It's been so hard. The struggle is real. I cry almost every day. My husband cries several times a day. The knowledge that your mom is going to die soon is horrible.  Watching her go through this is harder. Last mother's day, last birthday,  last day alive?
How are you supposed to feel when she calls you up in tears saying that she is not going to wake up in the morning and going to die. You rush over after a half eaten dinner to make sure she hasn't done anything stupid. You sit at her side. Crying. Praying. Begging. Pleading. You're in so much mental and emotional pain that you literally hurt physically. 
How do you plan a vacation trip knowing that she could fall because she is so weak just going to the bathroom. She has to have constant supervision so she doesn't fall. You can't do anything or go anywhere knowing this. You get a brother who can help her up if she falls. You remember the pain of the struggle of one parent so the next time it happens you're a little more prepared. Every day is a bad day cause of worry. 
Hosparus is helping a little bit but the burden falls to you. You are sleeping but you're not, because you are on high alert 24/7. 
I truly wish my reader's understand this pain that we are in. If we snap at you, understand the stress we are under. We literally cry every day. 

This is my voice. This is my blog.
HEAR ME ROAR 

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