Depression

First and foremost to my reader's I want to apologize for not blogging in awhile. Things have gotten crazy in my life. I'm suffering from some severe depression right now from many things. 

My paternal grandmother is suffering from severe dementia and in a nursing home.  Just last year before Thanksgiving, she was driving a school bus and now suddenly suffering dementia after having covid. 

My mother-in-law we just found out that she has pancreatic cancer. She has not gone to the doctor yet but will here soon to find out what the next step is.

My hours at work have been cut in half due to covid. Covid has wrecked so many lives including ours. I get half the pay, however I am on loss of wages benefits and I have gotten insurance through the state. It only lasts till September.  I don't know what will happen then. I'm trying to stay positive but it's so hard to do at times with every thing that is going on in my life. 

People keep asking me if I will get the vaccine for covid and my response is probably not.  You can still get it even after having the shot much like the flu.  I have however had covid we are pretty certain 2x now. This is my choice and I wish people would respect it. I respect and understand why you did get it so please do the same for us. 

I've also been suffering from possibly medication depression.  What I mean by that is that I am afraid my medicine dosage is not strong enough or I'm just having hormonal depression.  I just recently had mother nature to visit me and after that got the news about my mother-in-law. I don't know if this is environmental depression or stress and emotional depression or medical depression.  I haven't been wanting to go to work because I am hurting so much.  I don't want to face rude customers and deal with there attitude.  Some days I just want to reach across the counter and slap the eternal daylight out of people. Is that my depression and anxiety talking or not?

I had a customer not long ago walk up with such arrogance while I was talking to my husband with no lights on in the kiosk and the mall not even open and say oh good I just knew you were open now. I simply resonded... I'm not. Had another guy come up before I could get clocked in and ask can I work on his watch. I simply said I can at 11 when the mall opens. He decided to stand there until I opened up tapping impatiently on the counter. At 5 till opening, he rudely interrupted my counting of the money drawer and asked if I was open yet. He could clearly see and hear that I was busy and trying to open up and prepare for the day. These are some of my reasons for not wanting to work anymore or anywhere. People are rude!

I'm also not sleeping well anymore because of my fibro and my brain not wanting to shut down and rest for the night. I'm having more and more muscle spasms and cramps and feeling of restless leg syndrome in both legs and my arms. It is almost like a twitching impulse and very hard to describe. I'm also having a lot of brain fog issues. Am I in a severe fibro flare or is it something else?

Right now I could really use your prayers, positive thoughts and positive vibes my way. Thanks in advanced. 

This is my voice.  This is my blog. 

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