Lost

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Stupid coronavirus. I'm off work due to it. I have no idea how long I'll be off. I have to file for unemployment in the state I work in too. I'm wired right now. I feel like I have enough energy to run a marathon.  I'm no longer on my depo shot so I'm not sure if I'm manic from my bipolar or if my hormones are messing with me. A few days ago I had a severe PTSD attack and I completely lost all control over my mind. Then a couple nights later I dreamed that I had the same attack all over again.  I was emotionally and mentally drained. I hate feeling and being weak like that. I felt rage, yet like I was completely out of my mind.  I felt like happy and sad all at the same moment. I was unworthy of my fiance's love I felt.
I still feel emotionally out of control. I'm trying so hard to not take it out on everyone but it's like everyone is trying there hardest to make me mad.
I'm lost. I'm confused. I don't know what end is up and what end is down. My wedding may not be the wedding of my dreams. It may be all messed up cause of the coronavirus. We are struggling to find a place to live. I want to cry all the time yet I want to scream at something or someone. 

This is my voice. This is my blog. 
HEAR ME ROAR. 

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