My Daily Struggle

May 31, 2017: Many of my family, friends, co-workers, and even people I come in contact with do not know that I have PTSD. So many people say "That's something only war veteran's get." No, it's not. "You don't act like you have PTSD." You haven't seen me on a bad day. It's something that people who have been through a traumatic event get. Yes, I've been through several traumatic events. I'd rather not go into details. However, because of my past relationships,  I have no desire to be in a relationship. People keep saying, "It'll happen someday," "If you stop looking that's when love finds you." Sorry, I don't want it to happen. I've seen what cheating does to a family, and even to the kids. I've seen family on both sides go through a divorce now. I see the pain it puts people through. It's a burden. Then if you have kids it's hard on them. I'm the kind of person that just wants to sp...

May 30, 2017: Yesterday I got back from Richardsville visiting with my Great Uncle and Aunt and spent time with other family and even saw my "sissy". A different  Great Aunt's funeral was Sunday.  It was great seeing family, just not under the circumstances. Right now I'm sitting at work not really wanting to eat anything and kinda angry at "Aladdin" for snapping my bra. "Aladdin" is a guy that works in close proximity of me everyday. I understand that I'm pretty, and yes I'm flirtatious,  but that kinda hurt. It's times like this that self mutilation thoughts become very real. Thoughts about ways to make my boobs look flat, make my face look ugly, and even eat as much as I want to become fat. It's a real struggle. I want to loose weight to be healthier because of my arthritis and my celiac disease, but there are times when I hate myself for being pretty. It's the pretty women who have to “learn tips and tricks” to be comfortabl...