My Daily Struggle

February 25, 2018: I don't know what to do or say right now.  I'm cranky, irritable, not feeling myself. I have so many things on my mind. I'm depressed feeling. Blah. I feel like my abilify is not at the right strength. I dressed up nice for church tonight, yet I didn't feel pretty. I just want to cry for no reason and because of everything.  I've been sick this past week and unable to work. I'm overwhelmed with emotions. Tomorrow I go back to the OBGYN Dr for some results and maybe some treatment. I'm in pain because my prescription got messed up by new rheumatologist office and I am out of medication. Yesterday was the one year mark I almost lost my momma. I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel hopeless. I don't feel worthwhile. I'm single. I'll never find a guy. Why do I bother trying to find one. I give up. It doesn't matter anymore. Luckily I'm going to group therapy tomorrow morning and I can try to talk to the Dr t...

February 21, 2018: Celiac Disease is a disease that affects hundreds of people. I've rounded up a little information on it. Symptoms of Celiac Disease: abdominal bloating and pain chronic diarrhea vomiting constipation pale, foul-smelling, or fatty stool weight loss fatigue irritability and behavioral issues dental enamel defects of the permanent teeth delayed growth and puberty short stature failure to thrive Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) unexplained iron-deficiency anemia fatigue bone or joint pain arthritis osteoporosis or osteopenia (bone loss) liver and biliary tract disorders (transaminitis, fatty liver, primary sclerosing cholangitis, etc.) depression or anxiety peripheral neuropathy ( tingling, numbness or pain in the hands and feet) seizures or migraines missed menstrual periods infertility or recurrent miscarriage canker sores inside the mouth dermatitis herpetiformis (itchy skin rash) For me, I was having severe diarrhea m...

February 20, 2018: 10 Things to say and not say to someone with PTSD. What to say: 1.) I'll support you. When someone has PTSD, they don’t feel like anyone understands. And mostly that’s because they know that there aren’t many people who feel the way they do. So just telling them that you support them can bring them comfort. 2.) How can I help? The answer you probably get is, “There’s nothing you can do, but thank you.” Try not to take that as a final answer. A person with PTSD feels like no one can really help. But asking this question regularly shows them that you do care and truly want to help in any way you can. 3.) I don't know what it's like to have PTSD, but I am here for you. The beginning of this statement is important (reference #1 below). Even if you’ve had PTSD in the past, say something like, “I’ve had PTSD too and I am here for you.” 4.) When you're ready to get help, I'll help you find a counselor. This statement packs several powerful mean...

February 17, 2018: It's the fabulous flu, all over again. I just wished it'd go away. I've never had it before, but this winter it's happened twice now. No bueno! Last night I had my sleep study. I had a few events happen, but nothing major. It's up to the Dr if I get a machine or not a nd deal with that hassle. I'm still waiting to go back to my OBGYN for the results of the biopsies. I came home today from my sleep study sick. Dr. thinks it's the flu, again, but a different strain. Thinks tamiflu is to late to treat it. Again, no bueno! I'm loosing this health battle for certain. I just need one thing to go right for once. My love life doesn't exist because of trauma I've been through. I found out yesterday another classmate passed away, and my heart broke for her family. I was always the oldest in my class so she'd be younger than myself. For once I need good news and good health. This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

February 14, 2018: Valentine's Day. Happy singles day to all of you single people out there. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you couples out there. Which ever it is for you, I hope it's a good day for you. I've been single on Valentine's Day for so many year's now, I don't know that I'd know how to celebrate the day as a girlfriend or wife. As many of my reader's are well aware, I have a lot of health issues. One of my health issues is my depression. Due to my depression I go to get the Depo Provera shot to eradicate my monthly cycles. I go to the same place also as a woman to get regular female check-ups. In January I had my regular check-up done. A week later I got bad news. I was told I have low grade suggestive of high grade squamous intraepithilial lesions, lg-hgsil, aka precancerous cervical cells. I was told I need a procedure called a Colposcopy done. Basically it's the same as a pap smear but they shine a bright light inside to look at...

February 11, 2018: Apparently my mood has changed recently. I'm on a new medicine for my Bipolar II disorder. For once a medication that actually makes me feel like myself. I was on medicine before that I was always blah, in a daze, or in a fog feeling. My Abilify makes me feel like myself. I can think clearly. My parents noticed a change in me when I started taking it. A good change. However now that I'm getting closer to the due date for my next injection, we have noticed I'm irritable and a bit crankier than normal. If I seem grouchy to anyone, my sincerest apologies. I'm also dealing with a lot on my plate. I have so many Dr appointments and tests being run on me, both already done and coming up still. I can't figure out if I'm coming or going. I have so many alarms and reminders set to keep me going during the week. I need a personal assistant. I'm also dealing with this weather. First rain, now my phone says a winter weather advisory is in effect. I f...

January 8, 2018: Today is a new day. Tomorrow will start a long week for me. I have 4 appointments that I must be present for. I have a urology x-ray tomorrow to check on some stones I've had for awhile. Then Monday is the follow up appointment for the x-ray. Next Friday night, I have a sleep study that I've been dreading and putting off for a long time. Then on TuesdayI have an OBGYN appointment that I'm truly afraid of. I had an abnormal pap smear come back. I go in for a Colposcopy. I won't go into details about it, but I ask for prayers, good will, and thoughts. I'll be ok. I can do this. One day at a time. No matter what you are dealing with,  you can survive through it. Just like I will survive through this too. Look back on what you have been through so far. You survived your toughest of days. You'll survive this. This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

February 6, 2018: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION: 1.) Low mood 2.) Decreased interest or pleasure 3.) Significant weight change 4.) Sleep disturbances 5.) Psychomotor agitation or retardation 6.) Fatigue 7.) Feelings of worthlessness or guilt 8.) Thoughts of death https://www.verywellmind.com/top-depression-symptoms-1066910 FACTS ABOUT DEPRESSION: 1.) Depression is a common mental disorder. Globally, more than 300 million people of all ages suffer from depression. 2.) Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, and is a major contributor to the overall global burden of disease. 3.) More women are affected by depression than men. 4.) At its worst, depression can lead to suicide.There are effective treatments for depression. http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs369/en This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

February 2, 2018: There are many times when I feel like I've done something wrong to a person, that I don't "click" with them. I think why me? What did I do to them? What should I have done differently? What could I have done differently? Do I stink? Am I ugly? Is my voice offensive? Are my clothes out of style or is my skirt hiked up in the back? I know it has to be something that I did or am doing. IT'S NOT ALWAYS YOU! I was raised that if someone didn't like you, it's your fault. This is not true. It might be that they are having a bad day. Maybe they just don't want to know you. Maybe they have a fear or thought they can't get over. It's not always you. Don't worry about it. If you tried to be nice, then you did your part. They wasn't nice, then it's on them. Not you. They should be taught some manners and taught to be nice to people. Not everyone is nice. As long as you did what you could do to be nice and to reach out to the...