My Daily Struggle

June 24, 2018: I feel like something is wrong with me. I had my abilify injection a week ago tomorrow morning. However I feel like my depression has gone from bad to worse this week. I've been moody, crying, irritable, cranky and almost distant feeling. I don't care. I feel numb. I've run people out of my life. Maybe it's for the better that they aren't in my life anymore. I don't know what to do or think. I'm working constantly. If I'm not working, I'm sleeping, or driving to and from work. My fibromyalgia is flared up. I need to see the rheumatologist about these severe pain days I've been having. I need to see my obgyn as well. I have not been eating like I used to. I'm constantly tired. Is it my gabapentin I'm on or is it my fibro symptoms as well. This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR

June 22, 2018: I just want to cry right now. I hurt mentally and physically. I feel emotionally numb. I'm fighting back tears right this minute. I hope that no one sees through my fake smile. My fibro is draining me fast. I'm irritable and almost depressed feeling. I want everyone to notice and have sympathy on me, yet I don't want anyone to notice how bad I am or that I feel like this. Every noise and sound is making me hurt. I just want to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. I touch myself and it hurts. Every joint in my body is killing me. My body feels so tight and almost stressed like. I don't how much more I can take of it today. I know its partially because of the rain, but still... I CAN'T DO THIS!      I've tried giving a guy a chance but everytime a certain subject comes up he gets mad at me. Then all he wants to do is cuddle and kiss me and announce his love to me. I'm sorry... but you don't "LOVE" me. You are infatuated with me...

June 18, 2018: Happy Belated Father's Day to all the dad's out there. I haven't blogged in a while. I'm doing great. I'm continuing to take my abilify injection. I went on a vacation trip with my cousins to see more of my cousins. I had an amazing time. I'm continually working with my jobs. I barely see my family. However my family does see major improvements in my moods.  I definitely feel different than before. I was due for my injection while I was on my vacation, however I couldn't get it until after my vacation. I started feeling a little depressed while on vacation and even now as I type this. I got my injection this morning, but I'm sure it will take a day or so to fully get into my system again. I remember what it was like to feel severely depressed and it bites. I know it does. There is help out there. You have to want the help. You have to seek it. I know sometimes you just have to hit rock bottom in order to see that you need help. I know I d...

June 5, 2018: I'm doing pretty good right now. I went back to the podiatrist for my two-week follow-up. He had good and bad news. I have to wear my boot for two to three more weeks and then I can start weaning out of it. Unfortunately it means that I have to go on my vacation in my boot. Good news is that it's healing. I think that I'm officially getting my first round of sinus goop. I'm miserable. Drainage, stuffed nose, whole nine yards. I've always done allergies up well. Someone I know says that I should have a man in my life. The thing is I don't want one. They have been nothing but trouble in my life. Maybe I could try again. I don't know. It makes me nervous jumpy and scared out of my mind to think about it. This is my blog. This is my voice. HEAR ME ROAR